


Coffee with Abro!Tracy and Demi!Nathan

by Nocticola



Series: Ace/Aro characters [40]
Category: ER (TV 1994), Haven (TV)
Genre: Abrosexuality, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But maybe people are interested in that, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Demisexuality, Episode 1x6 Fur, Episode: s01e03 Harmony, Episode: s01e05 Ball and Chain, Episode: s01e08 Ain't No Sunshine, Episode: s01e09 As You Were, Episode: s01e10 The Hand You're Dealt, F/F, F/M, Gen, I tagged Julia/Audrey because it kinda is? Kinda isn't?, Nathan's Trouble
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Tracy and Nathan talk some more, about Haven, the Troubles and the asexual spectrum





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GreyHaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyHaven/gifts).



> Intro to Tracy Martin in Haven:  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100571/chapters/35079764

”We need to talk,” Nathan says and starts walking away from Tracy, apparently expecting her to follow him, which she does. He keeps looking back at her, down at her hand. Tracy wonders if he wants to take it. He enters a small harbor cafe, which is pretty quiet this early in the morning. Nathan greets the other patrons, a few fishermen. 

“What type of coffee you like?” 

“Milk and one sugar,” Tracy would prefer something like a latte, but this doesn’t seem like that type of place, although Haven isn’t without fancy coffee places. She quite likes Black House Coffee. Nathan nods and Tracy sits down at an empty table as far away from all the other patrons. 

Soon, Nathan arrives with their coffees, black for him, and nice and milky for Tracy. She takes a sip, and it does seem right, not too much sugar. She keeps drinking her coffee, trying to figure out what exactly is going on. 

Nathan has barely touched his coffee or said anything, he just keeps staring at Tracy, probably unconsciously flexing his hand. Usually Tracy wouldn't mind that, a good looking guy staring at her so intently. But this isn't an everyday thing. There's something odd in this town and somehow, Tracy is immune to it. 

“You can’t feel it anymore, can you?” she decides to ask, the silence starting to bother her. 

“What?” Nathan asks, like he was woken up from a trance. 

“The high five. You can’t feel it anymore, right?” 

Nathan licks his lips, the spoon fidgeting between his fingers. “No.” 

“And you can’t feel anything else?” 

Nathan gives her a dirty look, “I’ve treated me, been my doctor, seen my medical records. You think I’m faking my numbness?” 

“No, I didn’t mean that. I just… I don’t know how to feel about this. I have no idea what is going on.” 

Nathan lets out a breathy laugh, “Join the club.” 

“How long have you been numb?” Tracy’s pretty sure she might have seen that in his records, but she wants to hear from him. 

“Couple of years this time. I felt nothing until your palm hit mine. If you don’t trust me, you can test me. You know I don’t feel, but you can’t necessarily trust that I *can* feel you.” 

Tracy smirks, “You just want me to touch you again.” 

“Kinda, yeah,” Nathan’s honesty is fascinating. She can’t say that she’s not totally put off about the idea of touching Nathan again. Exploring this would probably be a good idea. “What’s your test?” 

Nathan puts his palm up on the table, “I close my eyes, you write letters on my palm.” 

“That’s it?” 

Nathan shrugs, “Yeah.” 

There was something odd about Nathan’s movement, but Tracy’s not quite sure what it was. She’ll have to check him out again, later. 

“Fine.” 

Nathan closes his eyes and Tracy decides on a letter and starts drawing ‘T’ on Nathan’s palm. Nathan giggles a bit, he’s ticklish, apparently. 

“T for Tracy. Although you are writing them down upside down for me.” 

“You can manage.” Tracy says. Doing this is actually kind of fascinating, seeing Nathan’s face open and vulnerable, writing on his palm. 

“M for Martin; N for Nathan; W for Wuornos; D for demi; A for Abro.” Nathan leaves the –sexuality out of the last few words. He must not be as out as his ring says. 

“All correct,” she tells him, smiling when Nathan opens his eyes again. “Your point is proven.” 

Nathan pulls his hand back from hers, although she thinks it’s rather reluctant. He finally starts drinking his coffee, and it clicks for Tracy that Nathan might have been waiting for it to become a safe temperature. 

”It seems it’s a kinda good thing you’re ace,” she can’t help whispering to him. She can’t help thinking about how Nathan’s Trouble might affect his sex life. Even if he is demisexual. She also has a habit of being a bit too blunt sometimes. 

“Sorry”, she says when she sees Nathan’s face. 

"They are actually unrelated." 

"I assumed so. It's just interesting, how people's sexualities intersect with other stuff about them. And maybe I wanna change the topic. I miss my ace group." 

"You've been to one?" Nathan sounds curious.

"I came here from Chicago. They have a bunch of groups." 

"There's nothing like that in here. Maybe a few towns over but not here." 

Suddenly, it’s like both of them remembered where they are. They look around, but the place is practically empty and no one is looking at them. It’s a bit of a relief. 

”So, have you had someone? Since you’re demi and not ace.” Tracy asks. 

”Maybe. I mean, I think. I’ve been with people. But it’s kinda complicated. But I found the term somewhere and it just felt *right*.” Nathan looks a bit self conscious, smiling awkwardly. 

Tracy smiles “I know the feeling. I was so confused about my identity for a long time. It kept changing on me and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was so glad when I found abro, something nice and kinda simple to explain it all, the confusion, the changes.” 

Nathan smiles, “I’m glad. So, does it like fluctuate with you, or is there some reason, or do you just wake up feeling differently every morning?” 

“It varies a lot. I know for some there is some type of rhyme or reason for the changes, but for me, I kinda just ‘check out’ how I’m feeling every so often. I’m feeling pretty bi these days but sometimes I’m ace, sometimes something else. It’s hard to explain.” 

“I bet.” 

“So, we’ve bonded over ace-ness. Which I would love to do again some day. Wanna tell me about the Troubles now? What am I involve with?” 

Nathan empties his coffee cup and turns serious, “I know that they were here in '83, 27 years ago. I had this then, too. Lots of weird stuff happened back then, kids pulled out of school, mysterious deaths and disappearances. Then it went away and no one talked about them. Until they started coming back, but people still rarely talk about them by name.” 

“When did they start coming back? And how?” 

“I think I was one of the first, so they’ve been coming back for a couple of years. You need to be triggered for your Trouble to activate. “ 

"Wonder what all of this has to do with me?"

"I don't know. It's late, or early, I could give you a ride home. And, I wouldn't mind doing another ace meeting, too." Nathan's smile is nervous. 

"I'll take you up on both of your offers." She stretches a little bit and a part of her expects Nathan to do the same. He does make an effort but his body doesn't really allow it. 

"Let's get back to your car, I think I need to re-examine you."

Nathan looks at her, questioning and annoyed but when they get to his car and are inside it, he takes off his jacket, revealing some nasty marks on his arms. 

Before she can stop herself, Tracy takes a hold of Nathan's arm and he yelps in pain. "How did I miss these?"

Nathan pulls his arm back from her touch, "I had to be chained, for everyone's protection."

"And you didn't notice the welts because you don't feel pain." Tracy shakes her head. "They must have gotten worse without treatment. I need to take you back to the hospital."

"I'm fine," Nathan whines. 

"Being fine and not feeling pain are not the same thing."

After a few more minutes of arguing (including Tracy poking at Nathan's arm), Nathan relents on going to the hospital. Tracy is pretty sure that coming back to the hospital before her shift with Nathan might raise some rumors but that's fine.

She cleans and bandages Nathan's wounds from the chains and tells him to take it easy for a bit and he probably shouldn't drive himself or her home. Nathan looks annoyed but calls someone he calls 'the chief' for a drive. She'll get a taxi for herself.

Tracy walks with Nathan out of the hospital where an old man is waiting and smoking. She thinks he might have choked a little on the smoke when he seems them, but she's not quite sure.

"Maybe you should stop smoking, especially on hospital grounds?" Tracy tells the man whose face has turned annoyed.

"That's what I've been saying to him for years." Nathan tells her, smiling. 

"You'd smoke too if you got a call to pick up your son from the hospital before office hours." 

Tracy looks at them both then. She can see the familiarity, not really in looks (Nathan is almost a head taller), but in behavior.

"Take care of yourself, Nathan." she tells him before they leave.

"Yeah, yeah. Bye, Tracy," he waves and soon the Wuornoses disappear. 

Tracy stays behind, wondering. Did the Chief recognize her? That has occasionally happened. She'll have to look into this all more. But at least she has a friend in Nathan.


	2. Attitude to Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like writing an ace on ace discussion about this issue.

"Are you sex repulsed?" Tracy asks during one of her and Nathan's periodical ace meetings. She's been feeling very ace lately, maybe it's something about the patients, and the Troubles and her job. But for the first time in a while she's feeling so over everything when it comes to sex.

Luckily, she asked him before he managed to take a sip of his coffee. Getting hot bevarage in the wrong throat is a special issue for Nathan. They have traded a harbor coffee place for Black House Coffee cafe, which makes a great Americano, and they are sitting at a corner table where no one can hear their discussions. Hopefully. People usually like to pretend to give everyone they privacy in Haven. But she hasn't gotten any backlash from their ace meetings, so hopefully they are private enough.

Nathan puts down his still untouched cup of black coffee and looks at Tracy thoughtfully. It's been really nice to have another ace around, to talk about these things. Nathan didn't realize how much he needed something like this. A friend, who helps him deal with the Troubles and who he can be open with, about everything. They don't really touch, but somehow, the fact that the possibility of feeling is out there, makes everything easier to cope with.

"I'm more sex neutral," Nathan finally says. He would still prefer not to go into those details, but he trusts Tracy.

"Really? Demi and neutral? Interesting combo," Tracy says but with a tone of curiousity instead of contempt Nathan is used to receiving over, well, most things about himself.

"Yeah. Maybe it is a bit weird. But when I'm with someone, sex is usually fine and everything but most of the time I don't miss it. I was like that even before my Trouble came back." He adds the last bit mostly to himself. His Trouble affects a lot of things about him, but not that. Sometimes he needsa reminder of that.

"I'm favorable most of the time. It kinda helps deal with the fluctuation, because whoever I'm into at the time, or whatever I feel like, that won't be an issue. But... I don't know, maybe I'm still shaken by the Mitchell Trouble. Because right now, I'm not just ace, I'm full blown 'keep all that away from me' ace. So, it's a good thing no one's really offering," Tracy smiles at the end, trying to make a joke out of it. 

Sometimes her sexuality is really frustrating and she usually avoids explaining it to the people she's with. Everything is easier that way. Something about this with Nathan is kinda easy, though, because as a demi he understands the 'ace and not-ace' situation.

Nathan turns a bit awkward. The Mitchell Trouble is horrifying. Luckily Beattie is adjusting to motherhood well but still, Helena still lurks within her. Not really an endorsement for dating. And as he's gotten to know Tracy, he has grown really fond of her. But sometimes that worries him. Getting close to people is scary. But he still laughs a little, for Tracy, to relief some of that tension between them.

Tracy's smile reflects the situation's awkwardness, "I'm not sure why I said that. My job and the Troubles keep me plenty busy. Whether or not sex interests me or not, I don't really have time for all that. I barely have time for you, my one and only not-work friend," this time Tracy laughs and it's genuine.

Nathan smiles. She's one of the few friends he has too. "It's that type of stuff why we do this, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I guess so."

Nathan's hand is laying on the table, and Tracy decides to bridge the gap between them. She puts her own hand on top of Nathan's, who takes a deep, surprised breath but after he takes a moment to enjoy the touch, his face resets, almost. But there is still gratitude in his eyes when he looks at her. "You're my friend, too," he tells her in a whisper.

It should feel like too much, too soon, too intimate, but it feels just right. Still, Tracy pulls back her hand and while Nathan reacts again slightly, the moment is over.

Neither one quite knows what that was, except it wasn't sexual. It was something... different.

"I should probably start making my way back to work. Thanks for the coffee. I just hate when I get like this," the last sentence, like all the other sentences but more so, was meant for Nathan only. You never quite notice how sex is everywhere until you can't stand even the thought of it. 

"Trust me, I get it," Nathan says, and there is a different type of intensity in his voice than the one when he's trying to figure out a Trouble, but it's still as serious, still as meaningful. Tracy's really lucky she has Nathan.

Tracy finally gets up from the table and smiles a bit mischievously at Nathan, "Next time, you will tell me about who made you demi, right?"

"Martin," Nathan says with a slight whine and Tracy laughs. It's odd when he calls her by her last name but Tracy's not sure yet whether it's good or bad odd. She has time, she'll figure that one out. 

Nathan waves back at her as she leaves and she knows he's not too bothered by her teasing. That's definitely good. 


	3. Julia Carr & Jess Minnion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan and Tracy discuss dating while dealing with the Troubles and while a-spec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU 1x6 Fur, -ish.
> 
> Happy Asexual Awareness Week 2018! Day 1

"Do you know Julia Carr?" Tracy asks while sipping her latte at Black House Cafe. 

"Yeah, we went to high school together. You know I know her Mom. She's doing Doctors Without Borders, in Darfur, last I heard," Nathan tells her and takes a gulp of his black coffee. He's not very adventurous when it comes to coffee, is he? 

"I think her Mom is trying to set us up. She keeps talking about her like that. Like we should 'meet'." 

" 'Meet'? " Nathan questions her tone and Tracy smiles a bit. 

"C'mon, I bet you get that a lot. Mothers telling you about their child with the subtext that you would fit well together and you should date and marry and have babies." 

"Um..." Nathan turns awkward and now Tracy does laugh, "You're really cute sometimes, Nathan." 

Nathan laughs akwardly, and rubs at his nape, "Yeah, I can't always tell when people are hitting on me directly, much less when their parents are doing it for them." 

"Aww," Tracy says and a companiable silence falls between them. 

Surprisingly, Nathan is the one who breaks it, "Are you looking for a relationship? With anyone?" 

Tracy takes a moment to study Nathan. Is there a subtext there in his question? Doesn't seem to be.

Tracy sighs, "I don't know. This town is proving to be more difficult than I thought and then having to explain abroness... dating is just hard." 

Nathan smirks, "Tell me about it." 

That provides Tracy with a perfect opportunity to address some rumors she's heard. 

"It is, huh?" Tracy smirks suggestively and Nathan looks confused, "What?" 

"Are you into Jess Minnion?" 

"What?" now Nathan sounds like the whole thing is absurd. 

"Just a rumor I've heard around." 

"Where?" Nathan sounds more curious now. 

"At work. And I've made a few visits to the Hessberg Center. She's cute. Oh, look at you, you're blushing!" 

Nathan becomes visibly very uncomfortable, trying to hide his face in his hands. "Sorry, I don't mean to tease you too much." 

Nathan reveals his face again and he looks... not upset really, but something like that. 

"Nah, I get it. It's just... I don't know, she's interesting. She gave me a different outlook on the Troubles, *my* Trouble, but... she's not Troubled, and she's not ace, so I don't... I don't know if... I don't even know. Getting into a relationship, now, with everything that's going on? I don't know." 

"But you like her?" 

"I don't know. I might. There's potential, but even that's... Frankly, I usually end up in a relationship with someone once the attraction is there. Because I'm kinda slow to develop any feelings. I don't want to get into something with someone just because they are the first one in ages to not look at me as a freak. Because being demi and my trouble... I don't know if I should burden anyone with my stuff."

"Oh, c'mon, Nathan, you're a catch. A dream son-in-law, like we already established. You shouldn't let your Trouble or sexuality get in the way of being with someone you want to be with, especially if they want to be with you." Tracy hopes her tone conveys the understanding and sympathy he needs to hear. 

Nathan's lips curl up in a tiny smile, "Aren't you doing the same thing?"

"My thing is different. I don't know what this immunity thing is *and* I don't actually know Julia. Although apparently she is coming back to town soon." 

Nathan shrugs, "It doesn't hurt to at least make new friends. Julia's great, you will probably get along. There's no use worrying about Eleanor's awkward setting up attempts. Julia is stubborn, she makes her own choices." 

"Maybe you are right. Would be nice to hear some war stories from her. Alright. I'll meet with Julia and you will go on a date with Jess. Alright?" Tracy extends her hand and Nathan hesitates a moment before he takes it. There is something special in the touch, but both of them ignore it for the sake of their friendship. 

"Another successful 'ace coffee' meeting," Tracy says to break the tension. 

Nathan smiles and it's much more genuine now, "It was. I really enjoy these." 

"Me too."


	4. Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two coming outs and catching up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU timeline Haven 1x8 Ain't No Sunshine/1x9 As You Were. Julia is in town a bit earlier, so these happen at the same time.

Tracy is kinda reluctant to admit it, because she gets getting set up, but Julia Carr is cute, and fun and she could swap war stories with her for hours. They do differ in their approaches though, since while Tracy admires Julia’s work with Doctors without Borders, she herself could never put herself into a situation where her fancy shoes were too much of a hindrance. She’s too girly like that. New Zealand is good enough for her. At least for now, Julia finds that more endearing than a deal breaker, which is good. 

They also start talking about the Troubles, and again their attitudes differ towards them. Tracy is fascinated but Julia could not be more over them. 

”I prefer war-torn Africa to Haven during the Troubles.” 

”That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?” 

”Trust me, this gets worse. I’m only here because Mom persuaded me. Largely with stories about you. She’s really impressed.” 

”Really? I wasn’t quite sure how she felt about me. She acts like she wants to help me figure out what happened during the last cycle, but only after I’ve proved myself first.” 

”That’s my Mom. Well, that’s practically all the parents in Haven.” 

Tracy spares a thought towards Nathan and Garland, and she has to agree. 

”So, you don’t plan on staying here?” 

Julia smirks mysteriously, “I’m here for now. Maybe I’ll stay if I have a reason.” 

Tracy lets out a giggle. She thinks she wouldn’t mind being the reason. 

\--- 

They end the night the evening at Tracy’s place (it’s new and messy because she hasn’t had time to unpack yet), and a short kiss goodnight quickly turns into full make out session. They quickly find themselves laying on Tracy’s couch, Tracy on top of Julia, and they giggle between kisses. It feels so nice to have something simple like this. Tracy was becoming frustrated with her romantic life. 

Although that makes her think the intricacies of being out as abro, and whether she should tell Julia before they get any further. She pulls back a little, and looks down at Julia. 

Julia gives her a nervous smile “Hey.” 

”Hey,” Tracy’s not sure whether she should continue (or what she should continue). It’s been so nice to talk with Nathan about abro-ness so openly, and she feels like if any of her relationships will go anywhere, she needs to be honest. About this at least. Who knows what secrets this town and its past have in store for her. 

She pulls away completely, trying to fix her hair a bit, and lets out a laugh. Julia’s reaction is full of confusion. “What.” 

Tracy sighs, “I just… I think before we go any further, I should tell you something,” Tracy says to her TV and turns to then watch Julia. 

”No one really wants to hear that phrase in any context,” she says with obvious apprehension. 

”I mean, I know we literally just met, and who knows if we can make it work, but I really like you, Julia. And I want to be honest with you, about me, about my sexuality.” 

”OK, but if you think you need to break it to be that you’re bi, that’s no issue, I’m bi too.” 

”Well, that’s good, but it’s not that simple. I mean, sometimes I *am* bi. But sometimes, I’m *not*,” Tracy feels awkward explaining it. She wishes she had something to do with her hands. She wishes she was simpler. 

”Not really following you.” 

”I’m… I’m abrosexual.” 

Tracy doesn’t break eye contact with Julia as she says it, and she sees all the reactions on Julia’s face, most of which are various levels of confusion. 

”What?” 

Tracy decides to concentrate on her nails (she should try to get a new manicure soon) as she explains, ”One is abrosexual when they don’t have a consistent sexuality. It’s fluid and fluctuates, for some it changes consistently, for some it’s a surprise,” Tracy does jazz hands at the last bit, trying to lighten up the situation. She chances a look at Julia whose confusion seems everlasting. Great. “Um… So, what does that mean for you then?” 

That’s a better first question than she was expecting. “Most of the time I feel bi, but sometimes I’m ace, sometimes I just don’t know. Occasionally, I’m only attracted to men or women, but that’s more rare.” 

”And, that’s your sexuality?” 

Tracy smiles, “Yeah. That’s me. Ever-changing. I do love that there’s a term for to encompass the variety.” 

”OK. That’s interesting,” Julia falls silent, and Tracy’s slight good mood lessens. 

”So, there are times when you won’t be attracted to anyone, or you won’t be attracted to women?” 

”Yeah… but that won’t necessarily affect the person I’m in a relationship with. It’s complicated and would require adjustment and communication, but I’m a loyal person.” 

Julia bites her nails for a moment, “This is kinda a lot for a first date thing.” 

”Yeah. Maybe I should’ve waited, but I felt like being honest. I’ve known my sexuality for a while now but I haven’t really talked about it like this before I came here. I mean, I’ve gone to queer meetings in Chicago, but since coming here I’ve gotten a new appreciation for it. I want to be out and open.” 

After she’s taken it in a bit more, Julia’s confusion seems to lessen and she smiles, “I’m glad. This stuff can be complicated. I’m glad you told me.” 

Tracy lets out a sigh of relief, “I’m glad I told you, too.” 

”OK, so. We don’t know where this thing is going, so let’s just take it easy. Let’s date or hang out and see what happens.” 

Julia’s plan sounds good. “Let’s do that.” 

They share smiles, but the whole coming out situation has made the situation a bit awkward, so Julia decides to leave for the night. Tracy is slightly disappointed, but maybe not rushing into anything is smart. After all, Julia is the first potential significant other she has told about her abro-ness. Figuring out how it all works can wait. 

But she is interested in Julia, and the feeling seems to be mutual. That’s good. She can work with that. 

***

Nathan sits on Jess’ couch, feeling uncomfortable to his core. Jess is getting them some wine, and Nathan is preparing to… What is he going to do? Talk about what a freak his Trouble makes him? Come out? Maybe he should just pretend he got a text and has to go deal with a gruesome murder. He could deal with a gruesome murder right now. 

But before his phone can save him, Jess arrives with a bottle of red wine and some glasses. It’s do or die. He can’t rely his awkwardness being charming for too much longer. But he’s also not quite sure how he feels about all of this. About Jess. He likes her. Is he attracted to her? He’s not sure. Then there are the limitations of his Trouble… 

”Nathan?” 

”Um?” 

”Are you alright? You seem zoned out.” 

”Oh,” Nathan says, and he knows he should continue, explain his actions but he’s just not sure how. Then the silence stretches uncomfortably, until it’s broken by Jess’ laugh. She has a nice laugh. He lets out a nervous laugh, too. 

”It’s OK to be nervous, Nathan. If you want to talk about something,---“ 

”My Trouble makes me numb and I’m not sure how that affects things, and I’m a demisexual,” Nathan says, quicker than he’s ever said anything. He’s not sure whether his words where in any way intelligible, except for the embarrassment in his voice. He empties his wine glass and then stares at his hands. He doesn’t know how to continue. 

”I… Wanna say all that again?” Jess asks with an amused voice. 

Nathan doesn’t look up at her, but he does repeat what he said, it kinda helps to say it again. He’s said the words already, that makes it easier. 

"I don’t know how my Trouble affects *things*,” he hopes Jess gets the subtext in things, “and… I’m demisexual. It’s on the asexual spectrum.”

”Oh,” Jess says in a tone of voice Nathan really didn’t want to hear, with surprised embarrassment, but what really gets to him are her next words being, “I understand.” 

Nathan finally looks at her again, not sure how to react. “You do?” 

”Well, to an extent. Of course you’re worried about your Trouble, I should have considered that. Although, I must say I do not know what demisexual is.” 

It’s easier to deal with the demi part than the Trouble part, “It means, I’m usually asexual, except when I develop a bond with someone, then I might develop sexual attraction to them only.” 

”Interesting,” Jess says, and while her tone is understanding, there is also a hint of something Nathan is not sure he likes. He doesn't want his sexuality to be 'interesting'.

Instead of saying anything, Nathan takes another glass of wine and drinks it down quickly.

"Am I upsetting you?" Jess asks with concern. 

Nathan looks at Jess again, and he knows he should give her a break. Coming outs are tricky. But he also needs to be honest, "A bit. Or it's more this whole situation. It's complicated and I'm not always good at expressing myself." 

"Alright. I understand. I guess the question is, do you like me like me? Is this going anywhere?" 

"It might," Nathan tells her but then falls silent. He isn't very good at emotions, and figuring out what he feels. "I like you. I don't quite know how but I like you." 

"Do you wanna take a break?"

"I'd appreciate a slower pace." 

"OK, I think I can do that. We'll slow down. There's no rush. No matter how cute you are." 

Nathan's pretty sure he's blushing but he does give her a smile. 

They get away from the couch and the wine and just have a dinner, spending some time getting to know one another better. (They don't talk about Nathan's Trouble or sexuality but those discussions can wait) 

They share a brief good night kiss at the end of the evening and when Nathan drives home, he feels better about everything. 

But once he's home, he texts Tracy to set another ace coffee thing. He really wants to talk about it all. 

***

As always, they meet up at Black House Coffee the next evening. Tracy is wearing turtle neck and gives Nathan a big hug. Nathan returns the hug a bit uncomfortably, because he's not used to physical affection, especially one he can feel, but he still appreciates it.

"So, how did it go with Jess?" Tracy jumps right in, taking a sip of her Americano before looking at Nathan encouragingly and expectantly.

Nathan stares at his own black coffee, trying to decide whether it's cool enough to drink and wondering what to say to Tracy about his date.

"I told her. She mostly took it well and we're taking it slow."

"That's good! It's good that she respects your pace. I bet you can make it work." 

"We didn't really talk about my Trouble issues," Nathan adds quietly. 

"You'll deal with that bridge when you come to it. I'm proud of you." 

Nathan shrugs a bit but he does appreciate her words, "Thanks. How about you?" 

"Well, you were right. Julia is great and we got along well. So well that we ended up making out on my couch." 

Nathan takes a sip of his coffee and nods at Tracy, "Nice." 

"I know. And then I stopped it and came out to her." Tracy's attitude changes a bit. "Julia was mostly confused but took it well enough. We're gonna see how it goes but we're gonna meet again. She's also not sure how long she'll be staying in Haven, so we'll see what happens. I'm glad I told her though."

"Yeah, Julia's never really wanted this small town life. Sometimes it makes talking about these things better but sometimes it complicates other things."

"Yeah, well, I'm not really small town type of girl either. Who knows, maybe we'll leave together," Tracy half jokes.

But Nathan doesn't like the joke or what it means, "Julia's not Troubled. So her situation is different." 

Tracy gives him an apologetic smile even though Nathan didn't say anything about her directly, "That's true. I'm still not quite what my connection to this place is but I do want to find that out. It would just be nice to not do it alone."

They fall into a slightly awkward silence. Tracy isn't good at dealing with it, so she asks, "So, are you a small town boy? Ever want to leave this town for the big world outside?"

Nathan finishes his coffee and looks at Tracy. Sometimes he's a bit embarrased about it but not today, "Nope, I never wanted to leave. I'm Haven to the core, Troubles and all... I'm not sure I could, even if I wanted to."

It's then that Tracy notices Nathan pushing his spoon handle into his palm. It's not the most painful thing, but it does highlight his Trouble. Sometimes she wonders whether she can ever really understand this town and it's inhabitants, as easily as dealing with the Troubles comes to her. Even with her immunity, she doesn't quite feel different from others the way Nathan does. She can still think about leaving Haven. She wonders whether that will change at some point.

"I've traveled all over the place and never quite felt like I belonged there. I hope I can find that here." Tracy's never really put it into words before but she knows it's true.

"I hope you find that too. Maybe with someone, maybe in here. Haven's not easy but it is home and sometimes that's enough." 

Tracy puts her hand on Nathan's palm, stopping the spoon and Nathan in his tracks. "Thank you. You are a big reason why I haven't totally lost it over Haven's weirdness." 

Tracy can't quite read Nathan's expression and all the emotions it contains but most of them are positive. "You're welcome."

Suddenly both of their beepers go off. Another Trouble seems to be causing havoc that they both have to deal with. Nathan leaves for the crime scene while Tracy goes to the hospital where she sees Julia again.

They deal with the Trouble and as Tracy gets home, she feels good about making everything in her life work, even with the complications. She'll figure everything out about her connections to this town and its people. Coming to Haven was a good decision.


	5. Kate Andrews, a Horse Rancher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tracy makes distressing realizations about her history in Haven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one has more plot and is less about abroness and deminess but it's still there. If I've learned one thing at ace discussion group is that other topics are also welcome.

One day, after a busy work day (the Troubles really keep her busy), Tracy decides to go horse back riding. She used to do that as a little girl and she had seen signs pointing her towards a horse ranch and she has decided to stop fighting the temptation to go. Riding really clears her head and she enjoys it. 

It becomes a routine after a while. Her coffee meetings with Nathan, dates with Julia and the horses help her keep her head straight with all the weird stuff going on in Haven. 

Unfortunately that doesn't last. After she has become a familiar person at the stables, abd has heard her dozenth 'you look vaguely familiar', she ends up looking through some year books. The ranch is old and has records to match. Tracy is surprised but delighted about that. She loves the history of the place. Until she looks at the 1929 yearbook and finds a picture of herself. 

Kate Andrews looks exactly like Tracy. Her hair is also blonde though shorter than hers but still, the resemblance is uncanny. She has no idea how to react to that. She decides to dig deeper into Kate but she doesn't find much except a short article about the fact that she disappeared in 1929. She needs help to get to the bottom of this.

So, she picks up her phone and with a nervous voice says, "Hi, Nathan. I need to see you. It's kinda a police matter. Meet me at Black House?" 

"Sure. Is it urgent?" Nathan sounds worried.

"For me, yes, but not really." 

"See you in half an hour." 

\---

Nathan arrives promptly like he always does. Tracy is already on her second coffee and she wishes she had something stronger. 

Nathan sits down with his own coffee and gives her his undivided attention. "What do you need me for?" 

Tracy tries to say something but she finds that she can't, so she just gives Nathan the printouts she managed to find about Kate Andrews, the yearbook photo and missing persons article. 

Nathan takes them without a word but Tracy can see when he realizes the reason for her distress. "She looks like you. Do you have family in Haven?"

"Not that I know of. I'm adopted, raised in Massachusetts. I don't know anything about my biological family. If we're related, she'd have to be my grandmother or something. That photo is over 80 years old." Tracy feels frustrated by the panic in her voice. 

"I'm not sure what I can find after such a long time, but I'll try. I'll also ask the Chief, and since the article is from _The Herald_ you might want to ask the Teagues if they know anything. This is before even them but they have good records." Nathan calms her down.

"Thanks. I haven't really talked to them before, but I'll try," Tracy tries to smile but she still feels freaked out. "I don't know what this means," she whispers. 

Nathan looks at her with sympathy before reaching for her hand with his. Even though Tracy can negate his Trouble, they haven't really touched since it was established. "I'll do everything I can to help you figure this out." 

"Thank you." 

Nathan pulls his hand back after a supportive squeeze and silence falls between them as they drink their coffees. Tracy picks up the photos of Kate and leaves Nathan with copies.

"I guess we could talk about dating now." 

"Tracy," Nathan says and he sounds frustrated.

"Give me something else to think about. Please." Tracy doesn't like how pleading her voice sounds. 

Nathan lets out an awkward laugh, "Fine. How are you and Julia?"

The topic change helps Tracy deal with all this. There's something weird going on and it concerns her in some way. "I thought being abro would be the oddest issue between us." 

"Being abro isn't odd. And you don't know yet whether this really is anything. Maybe she just happens to look like you. Or you're related." 

Tracy looks at Nathan with a cotemplative face, "2010, 1983, 1956, 1929. It fits the 27 year pattern." 

"We don't know there is a pattern. Just because the Troubles were last in '83 doesn't mean anything." 

"Maybe, but I think we've established there has to be something. And it has to do with my immunity." Both of them look down at Nathan's currently unfeeling hands. 

Nathan hides his hands under the table. "So, how is Julia taking the whole abro thing?" 

"Mostly well. Despite everything, I've been mostly steadily bi, so that helps. We'll see how she reacts when something changes. How about you and Jess?" 

Nathan hesitates, "... I'm not sure. She's supportive and willing to wait but... Haven is dangerous. She had a scare a few weeks ago. I managed to get her to stay, but I'm not sure her work and her family history is enough. That I'm enough." 

"Jess is tough. And you are worth sticking around for. It will work out."

"Maybe. I hope so." Nathan sounds uncertain yet hopeful. 

It seems like they both could do with another topic change. So, they talk about the Troubled cases they've been dealing with lately. It hasn't been easy. Vanessa Stanley's prophecied death saddens them both. Haven really is getting more and more dangerous. 

***

A few days later, Nathan and Tracy meet up again. Tracy hasn't had time to meet with the Teagues yet and she was surprised that Nathan had something for her already. 

Nathan isn't really one to beat around the bush so once they are both sitting on their usual table with their usual coffees, he just tells her, "I found others." 

Tracy is confused, "Others?"

Nathan hands Tracy two copies of newspaper articles, as well as blow ups of the pictures. One is a woman in a fancy hat from 1901 without a name, in an article about the Spanish Flu, but the other one is much more recent, from 1983 and the dark haired woman called Lucy Ripley has a similar disappearance article as Kate Andrews had. 

Tracy has trouble breathing. What the hell is going on with her and this town?


End file.
